Surrender in belief

Recent;y, I have been exploring one belief. As I mentioned in previous article that I wrote, I started to learn this belief because of my favorite person. I was curious why he can be so peaceful.

I was following ceremonies of this belief and through hard times. I have a lot of questions, I need to answer. I never thought at first that I would have involved so deeply in this belief but I was curious and I kept walking through the way. I read and made preliminary conclusion but then I have more other questions but I kept searching for the answers I have to answer by myself. The more I dig, the more questions I have. My favorite person tried to help me with these questions but I think these questions need to be answered by myself. Because I think these questions are from my soul so only me can enlight myself.

As a matter of fact I was almost give up and I thought I might have walked too far. Hence, I don't know why I didn't stop. I kept going to ceremonies because I feel like I miss it. Every time I read the cards I feel the beauty of this belief. Fear has blocked me to feel the true feeling of this belief and my mind fought for the words that I couldn't accept. I was anxious, sad and felt nervous. I thought, I will never going to feel this belief.

There is also another fear that I have. I am afraid that my feeling towards my favorite person, which was the first reason why I started to learn this belief, is blocking me from being able to feel the belief. I am afraid that I lost all my feelings towards this belief if things are not going well between us. I do not want that is to happen. Another fear that I have is that I am currently have a religion and I wonder if that will block me to feel this belief. So, I have to overcome these doubts and I have to find answers within myself.

I read some publications, cards. books, anything I can find on this belief to understand more. I listened carefully to things they said in the ceremonies, what the leader said, what other believers said and what was explained by my favorite person. I carefully stored them in my head and from time to time, I tried to remember each of them. The more I learned the more I feel that this belief is beautiful, that is perhaps more people should have learned it too.

In most of times, when I feel uncomfortable, I prefer to be alone and process things based on what I see around me, what people do, what people say and I also recall my thoughts that I have stored carefully. I like quietness and peace when I do it.

Today, 7 February 2018, I finally grasped two most important aspects of this belief, at least for me. I finally decided that I want to practice this belief because I think it will be useful for me. This is really important because I do not do it anymore because of someone else but I do it for myself. I also have decided to practice this belief  until I feel the true happiness and when I do, I will help others to understand it as well. At this moment I should have said that this belief is not a burden yet it is the way to eliminate your burden. That this belief is something which give you strength and excitements to follow your dreams. I would say that it is the way to upgrade yourself by equipping yourself spiritually.

The other important aspect that I decided today, referring to what my favorite person said the first time he explained to me about this belief. He said and I quote, "There are christian people who follow this belief and they said that this belief have helped them understand christianity". With this reference and all the references that I read, I think this belief will also will deepen my understanding on my own religion. Religion or belief are just labels that people made, but people should feel what can equip them in life and of course in after life. Based on these, it is really important for me to try to practice this belief in order to be a living proof of the truth of this belief.

Based on these two decisions, I surrender. I accepted all the questions and I embrace them now and will also embrace them then. I felt relief right now and ready to move on in my life. Wherever the next crossroads bring me to.