I do not trust people easily. I know that. Especially if I do not completely understand the person. I am very stubborn and the biggest challenge i my life is to fight against myself.
Today was the last ceremony in winter training and perhaps I should be happy because I completed a few sessions. But my head is full of I can not control. I have headache and I feel feverish.
Believing is also about trust. That you trust your foundation in life. That you trust you believe in something good for you. That you trust that you will be happy. But I dont understand and so it is so hard for me to trust. I have so many questions. It makes me feel dizzy. I want to understand what I chant but I dont understand. Is it so much to ask for understanding? I want to learn to understand but I need to be independent. So I know that I trust this religion because who I am not because anyone else.
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